Ana 

Trust, promises and love

As you grow up whatever morals and beliefs you obtain, are all due to those around you, family, friends, environment. I seem to find that when I deal with the everyday life, I am constantly in awe as to what other people find moraly right or wrong. My heart gets torn in one very important aspect of life, which deals with my morals and values. Trust.
Yes, trust has become a big issue for me, since it is my belief that without trust, then lies would not exist. How does one then find themselves in a position where they can't really trust someone but they cannot really walk away from them?
I am a firm believer where if you make a promise, it should be honored. No excuses. But yet 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Do people really take their promises to eachother for granted? Or is it something that should be "I promise for the moment"? To me, my word is my honor. If you break your promise, then I cannot depend on you. If I can't depend on you, I cannot trust you. If I cannot trust you....why should I even talk to you?
The heart gets in the way at times. You believe in someone, you trust them. Yet they take their promises lightly and break them. How can you possibly walk away from the one person you love? And what holds you back? Is it the promise of change? Or is it just plain simple love? So you find yourself in that same position where promises are made and broken. Love holds you back, while your whole life tells you to go. What do you listen to? Your heart or your soul?
Because of the lack to trust in someone, one set pattern will happen. You will go from complete blind love, to shock. like you can't believe that someone can just take your trust in them and step on it. From there you move on to depression, which is where you have opened your eyes and realized that the other person honestly doesn't value your trust in them and it hurts, which in return turns to anger because you feel misled and most people who get hurt lash out in anger, and then resentment because you feel that of all people why did they have to pick you to toy around with, and finaly hate. You hate them for lieing to you. You hate them for wasting your time. You just plain simple hate them.
Yet in spite of all signs, one cannot help themselves. For in every promise lies in it self a promise that things will change and with each passing stage, there is a belief and trust that everything will be alright in the end. And so you lie to yourself.

My Social Life is Yahoo Chat

Being a single mother or a very youg boy, my life does not involve much other than going to work and coming home. I don't really have the time nor the patience for the bar or club scene. So, once I tuck my little guy in bed, I can't wait to get online. I log in, and end up in a Massachusetts chat room. Yes I am somewhat ashamed to say that alot of people know me, not personaly though.
Who ever said that the internet was all about living in a fantasy world, must have been quite wrong. Day after day I find the same people there, regular chatters who have on the most part become a part of this internet community for a few years. These people know eachother. They have get togethers, they call eachother up, they love and hate eachother, they fight and make up, they even go to eachother's weddings. These people are very real.
I have been going to yahoo chat for a good 9 years now. Yes I remember the days where there was no such thing as voice chat. If a man said something like "I want a blow job" it would come out as "I want a puppy", and I remember my excitement when web cams came out. I still have the same web cam after all these years. I have either been very carefull with it or I just don't use it often enough for it to break it.
When I go into a chatroom, more often than not I sit back and observe people. It's quite entertaining. How many times have I been out and about doing my business and I find myself thinking that the guy standing in front of me at the grocery store, could be the same person who goes into a chatroom looking for a woman who will kick him in th balls. Or the bank teller could be the woman whose husband went through so much "trouble" online trying to find another woman (or man) to join them in a little sexcappade. Then I think that the guy cutting me off when I am driving, could be the same one who likes to bet other men that he can suck any man's dick down to their nuts.
Although I find that all entertaining, in all these years I have met very few people from chat. Maybe it's shyness, insecurity, who knows. Maybe I am just a private and very carefull person. I even had to look for a "borrowed" version of Yahoo Tunnel. I love it. Not only does it block most of the male oriented bots (which I think sucks), but it also blocks those annoying and very unwelcome advances upon my person.
I don't know about most women but I hate to have my screen bombarded by PM's saying "yo sup", or "hey sexy". I have to say that my idea of fun does not involve meeting men for "discreet encounters". And no I do not want to watch you stroking it on the web camera. I mean do these people in real life just approach a woman and say that sort of stuff? I don't think so, it would be called sexual harrassment wouldn't it? I know women at times are just as bad as men. All I am saying is that, I did fill out a profile. I change it quite often, hoping to perfect it one day. If people actually read it and respected me my chat experience would be so much better.
So, why do I keep going back for more abuse? Maybe because out of all of those morons who have attempted conversation with me, I have had a few very good conversations, which makes it all worth it. And so, I keep going back. :)

Welcome

So I saw that everyone was into this Blog thing so I said to myself, what the heck, why not do it too?
No actually that wasn't it at all. Out of mere curiosity I checked out other people's Blogs and therefore found I had a great opportunity in my hands. Actually say what I had to say, even if no one is there to hear it. Sometimes just writting things down, it's like therapy to me.
I feel like I have a new toy. Ladies and gentleman, HERE I COME!!!